The Tale of the Poorly Named Stapler

I'm going to admit something to you, since we're all close friends and everything. It happened on a March day in 2007. It was a combination of too many Cokes in a can, packages of Smarties, and the blissful news that Christine Donovan was looking at horse farms in Lexington. My secretary presented me with a shiny new blue stapler. In a moment of glee I brandished a sharpie and artfully printed "Billy" on said stapler, surrounded by cute little paw prints.
Not surprisingly, Billy Donovan turned down the job. He had just won a National Championship. And really, does a basketball coach have time to raise horses? What was I thinking?
Luckily, UK chose to hire the next coach they could find named Billy, salvaging my stapler from horrible ruin. And so, for two years, my cute little stapler has been hanging out on my desk, doing his job admirably. He was once abducted for awhile by a Tennessee fan co-worker, who returned him promptly when I informed her of the origin of his name.
What to do now? Our state is in a budget crisis. I can hardly ask for a new stapler in the midst of staff cuts. Should I cover him with tape? Is it too much to hope that our new coach's name is "John Billy Calipari?" (I doubt it.) Do you think I could change the "B" to an "S" and make the name "Silly?" Please, any suggestions are welcome...

P.S. I'm not the only crazy person. Look at this t-shirt. (http://www.cafepress.com/shirtbag.372413782) The door lives on forever!!