Deal-breakers

When it became apparent that my beau was The One, my little eighty-something grandmother started making plans to make a quilt for him. Now, in addition to all the time and effort that quilt requires, it also means that someone is part of the family. So, my granny was asking a few questions to make sure she made just the right thing: "Well, he lives in Louisville. Does he want a U of L quilt?"

I tried (and, I'm sure, failed) to conceal the look of disgust and horror on my face: "Oh, now you know better than that. There's no way I could date a Louisville fan."

My grandmother laughed it off and assured me that I was exaggerating. Y'all know I wasn't. I know that, for me, the thought of spending the next forty or fifty years with license plates and porch flags proclaiming that "House Divided" foolishness is, like Charlotte York's bad-kisser date, a deal-breaker. I need someone who understand why I throw up a little when I see Rick Pitino out in a Louisville restaurant. Besides, my granddaddy, Lord rest his soul, would roll over in his grave if I were to bring home a Card fan or a Volunteer. And I can't even imagine how my daddy would take it if I were involved with a Dukie or a Tarheel -- in fact, the whole ACC would get me disowned, with the possible exception of a Wolfpack fan, because Jimmy V. was a great man.

All joking aside, I've never been seriously involved with someone who wasn't a UK fan. I think it would be so very difficult to relax around someone who didn't appreciate Kentucky sports, the SEC or, worse still, college basketball in general. I guess I've always taken my team so seriously that I've envisioned a scenario in which my potential suitor was lost, like the poor girl who dates Colin Firth in Fever Pitch. And I know that my continually hating on a guy's team would most likely send him running.

Fortunately, I don't have to worry about that.

So, girls, how about y'all? Could you date a guy who isn't a UK fan??